


Affliction

by icedancefantasy



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 19:52:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1870272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedancefantasy/pseuds/icedancefantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Meryl and Charlie find they're way back together after everything they've been through?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I've had the idea for this fanfic for a while and after some persuasion from a couple friends I finally decided to write it. This isn't the first fanfic I've written but for this one I kind of have the story line planned out versus with the other ones, I sort of just went with ideas I thought of when I was writing. If you don't know what the title means I'd suggest looking it up as it really ties into the story. I plan to update as frequently as possible and I hope you enjoy.

"My professor offered me a job."

"Meryl, that's great," my dad said excitedly.

I swallowed neverously, "In Italy..." I shoved my fork into my mouth.

"Where?!" my mom and Jacqui shrieked in unison. I looked up from my plate at each face surrounding me, my parents, Jacqui, big Charlie, and Clayton, filled with suprise and sadness.

"Italy," I repeated quietly.

"When are you leaving?" my mom asked as she reached for the salad prongs.

"The day after Charlie's wedding." The salad prongs fell out of her hand and her mouth opened a little in shock.

"I know, I know, it's bad timing, but that's when the job started. And I wasn't gonna tell him until after I left..."

"Meryl, you can't do that..." big Charlie said.

"You'll break his heart!" Jacqui finished.

"But he'll have Tanith... and he would try to stop me from going. And you all know that's true," I replied. Silence filled the room. "I'm gonna say goodbye. But he won't know what it's for..."

"If you think that is the best thing to do, we'll support you. Can we tell him once you've left though? Or do you want to?"

"Once I'm gone, things will play out how they should," I replied as I clenched my jaw. This was hard for me. I had to leave my family, friends, basically everything. I had to leave someone I was in love with, he may even never talk to me again. But I was for the better, I wouldn't be forced to see someone I was in love with, be in love with someone else. After I left, the feelings would fade away, hopefully.

* * *

 

I exited the dressing room in a dress Tanith had helped pick out the day before when she got her wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses.

She had originally been a little skeptical of me being the best man, but once she had heard Charlie's other choices, she happily obliged. She had said, "Meryl's more responsible than the three of them put together!"

The seamstress shuffled over to me and fluffed out the skirt of the dress. The dress was a simple black dress that was accented against my pale skin, which was back to its normal shade after so many spray tans for DWTS. I had black heels to match and my hair was in a style similar to the bun I had worn for Scheherazade. The headband was replaced with a fake white lily clipped to the top, side of the bun.

I turned towards the four men and they all stand up next to me. We all looked into the giant mirror. I looked to my right to see Scott, Alex, and Evan in tuxedos. I looked to my left, where he always has been, and see Charlie in the same attire. I looked back into the mirror and a large grin appeared over my face.

"We look-" I started.

"Yeah," Scott replied with a smirk on his face.

"Charlie, are you okay? You're being really quiet," I asked.

"What if she thinks I look awful? And what if she looks awful? Because we all know I'm a horrible liar..."

Alex, Evan, and Scott shot each other looks and then looked at me. I glared at them when Charlie looked away.

"Charlie you'll both look fine! And your wedding will be perfect." I swallowed hard. "And you'll live happily ever after together."

"Thanks, Meryl." He threw his arms around me tightly and I tried to fight back tears as I hugged him back. Moments like these were what I would miss most. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, committing this second to memory. We broke apart from our hug.

"I want a picture of us," I said. "Do you mind?" I asked the seamstress. She took the phone from my hand and took a picture of the five of us.

I looked at the picture of us as we walked back to the dressing rooms. A single tear slid down my face and I wiped it away quickly, thinking no one saw it. A warm hand touched my back softly. "You don't have to be emotional, Mer," Charlie said softly. A small smile appeared on my face. "You're the greatest best man ever. And greatest best friend. You're basically planning half the wedding and it's not even your wedding. So thanks."

"Of course, Charlie. It's the least I could do," I replied.

"For what?"

"Everything you did for me." And the fact that I was leaving you without you knowing.

"I promise I'll be the bridesmaid at your wedding."

"Thanks," I answered, hoping he'd keep that promise.

* * *

 

I knocked gently on the white door at the end of the hall. "Who is it?" Charlie's voice asked in response.

"A murder."

"So it's Meryl right? Because if it is you can come in," he replied.

I turned the gold handle and pushed on the door. I entered the room and shut the door behind me. "How are you feeling?" I asked as I walked up to him.

I adjusted his tie as he responded, "Oh you know as good as someone getting married could be."

I smiled. "You'll be fine. She's not going to care if you mess up or trip, or you know just be normal Charlie."

He laughed. "Thanks, Mer. You always know how to make me feel better. You're the best." He stepped closer to me and pulled me into a hug. "I love ya."

I closed my eyes as I felt my eyes start to water. I wrapped my arms tightly around him. "I love you, too." I felt him start to pull away from the hug.

"This is a goodbye, I guess," I said as I looked into his eyes.

"How come?" he questioned.

"Nothing can be just between the two of us, anymore."

"I think there will always be, Mer," he said as he looked up into my eyes and stopped fixing his tux.

"I-I know. But like new ones. And..." I trailed off. I couldn't tell him the last reason.

Scott, followed by Evan and Alex, barged into the room. "We can't find any food! And then we found some and Cheryl wouldn't let us eat it." He glared at me at I shrugged.

"I haven't eaten since 6am. Don't complain," Charlie snipped back.

"Meow," Alex replied.

I reached up to Charlie's hair and attempted to fix it, but his hair still hadn't grown back to curls yet and was hard to get to look perfect. "I miss your curls," I said as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Yeah," he replied with a small grin.

"There! It looks perfect now," I said excitedly.

All of the boys laugh quietly. "Oh Charlie! You look gorgeous," Evan said in a mock tone of voice.

Charlie rolled his eyes and smacked him on the arm.

There was a knock at the door. Big Charlie and Tanith's dad walk in. "Ready, son?" Tanith's dad asked as he patted his back.

Big Charlie walked over to me. "Did you tell him?" he whispered. I shook me head. "Did you at least say goodbye in case you won't see him later?" I nodded. I noticed Charlie glancing over to the two of us constantly while he talked to Tanith's father. He smiled softly. "Good."

Jacqui walked in through the open door. "We are starting, guys." We all started heading out of the room, following Jacqui. The fathers were the first out, followed by Charlie's three groomsmen, then Charlie and I.

"What were you going to say to me, before everyone came in?" he asked me. "And why were you and my dad talking?"  

"I wasn't going to say anything. And we were just chatting." I smiled as sincerely as I could manage.

We walked down the long hallway and I told him, "You'll be so happy about this. You've found the love of your life and you get to spend the rest of your life with her."

"Yeah," he replied with a smile.

When we reached the end of the hallway, Jacqui and big Charlie went to sit down, while Tanith's dad went straight, where Tanith was getting ready.

Charlie walked down the aisle and stepped up next to the priest. The bridesmaids walked over to us and joined arms with one of the guys. I was in front of all of them, I walked by myself, as Tanith had three bridesmaids and there was four of us.

Tanith and her father appeared next to us. "You look beautiful," I told Tanith.

"Thank you!" A huge smile spread over her face.

I led the groomsmen and bridesmaids down the aisle and we split at the end. I led the groomsmen to the right and we stood to the side of Charlie.

Once we were all in our correct positions, Tanith and her father stepped onto the aisle and slowly made their way down it. I glanced over to Charlie to see him looking at me. I scrunched my eyebrows together. He looked away quickly.

When Tanith reached the end of the aisle, her father placed her hands in Charlie's hands and went to sit down. Charlie led her up the few stairs and they stood looking at each other in front of the priest.

The priest began, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in Paradise, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined."

I looked over the crowd. Most were smiling, Marina had a scowl on her face, Charlie's mother and my mother had pained smiles. They had always thought Charlie and I would end up together, and had started showing it the past few years.

"Charlie, do you take Tanith to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death do you apart?" The preist looked to Charlie.

"I-I..." he stammered. I smiled. He only did that when he was nervous. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," the preist smiled.

"I'm sorry, Tanith. I'm not being fair to you, if I say I do. I can never be fully yours. I love you and I always have, but I'm in love with someone else." Horrified looks and gasp filled the room. A tear ran down her cheek.

"Charlie, I understand, I'm very sad, obviously, but I understand. I love you but I can't tell you to not follow your heart. Don't ever let her go." He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. Charlie turned around and I realized who he was talking about. "Meryl, I can't marry Tanith, because I'm in love with you."

"No... No, Charlie," I said as I stared into his eyes. I ran down the three steps. As I ran out of the building, I saw people stand up to go after me, I heard footsteps, but I kept running.

* * *

I didn't hit the snooze button once. I didn't sleep that night anyways. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stepped into my cold apartment.

I walked into the bathroom. I brushed my hair and pushed into a ponytail.

I walked back over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone. My phone screen lit up as I pulled it out of the charger. I scroll to see messages from many people.

**Mom:** I'm assuming you're still leaving? So I will be at the airport along with dad, Jacqui, big Charlie and Clayton.

**Charlie:** Meryl, I'm sorry

**Dad:** Sweetie, you can't always run from your problems

**Charlie** : I couldn't do that to myself or Tanith

**Jacqui:** Are you ok, hon? I don't think anyone expected this. I'll be there tomorrow to wish you off

**Charlie:** Can we talk?

**Tessa:** Meryl, I'm here if you need to talk. We could meet up for coffee or something maybe

**Charlie:** I meant it, I'm in love with you. But it took me too long to realize it.

I opened my conversation with Tessa.

**Meryl:** I'd love to, but I'm leaving for Italy today for an anthropology job. But Charlie doesn't know so don't tell him

**Tessa:** Ok. Call me when you get there.

**Meryl:** I will :)

I responded to my mom and went back into the bathroom to get ready.

A half-hour later I was dressed and had some makeup on. I walked to my small kitchen and poured a small cup of coffee. I grabbed an apple off of the counter and bit into it. I ate quickly and grabbed my suitcases that had everything that was mine in them. I walked over to the door and glanced over the apartment one last time.

I exhaled deeply. "Goodbye," I said quietly as I shut the door behind me and locked it.

I carted my luggage into the elevator. When I reached the first floor I walked up to the front desk. I rang the bell on the counter. The manager walked out.

"So you are leaving?" I nodded. "I'll miss you, Meryl. Goodbye." She came around the desk and hugged me.

"I'll miss you too Jenny." She held out her hand and I placed the key in the palm of her hand. "I have to go. I have to catch my plane."

"Bye. Come visit!"

"Ok," I replied with a smile and small wave.

I grabbed all of my luggage and started to head to my car. I put my suitcases into the trunk. I got into the car and drove to the airport.

I saw planes landing and taking off, even at four in the morning. I saw my parents' car and parked next to it. On the other side of their car was Clayton's, and then the White's. I prayed that they all had kept their promises.

As I walked to the entrance of the airport, I mentally prepared myself. I told myself, _I will not cry._

I saw my family as I walked through the huge doors of the entrance. I walked up to them in silence.

"You're really going to do this?" my dad asked.

"Yes. It's an amazing opportunity."

"You can't ignore what happened yesterday. You'll have to eventually confront your fears," my mother said carefully.

"I know, I will, but I'm going to pretend that didn't happen for now," I smiled painfully.

"Y-you can't..." Clayton started.

I swallowed hard. "I know."

"Well sweetie, you still have to go through security, so you better get going," Jacqui told me.

"I'm gonna miss you guys," I said quietly, choked up.

I pulled Clayton into a hug. "Bye, sis. I'll miss you."

Big Charlie hugged me, followed by Jacqui, then my dad, and my mom.

"I love you guys," I said. My mom and Jacqui were wiping their eyes.

"We love you too," my dad answered with a sad smile.

"When should we tell him?" Jacqui asked quietly.

I didn't know how to answer. "I don't know." I scanned their faces. "When you think you should."

"Sweetie, if we did that, he'd already know," my mom replied.

"When he asks." My mother and Jacqui nodded their heads a single time.

"Goodbye," I muttered as I turned and walked towards security.

I sat in the waiting area, staring out of the large glass window. It took all of myself control to not cry. I wanted this, I did, but I was leaving so much, my family, friends, an unresolved confession. I had to do this.

"This is the last call for fllight number 17, to Rome, Italy." I stood up and walked towards the gate.

As I handed the lady my ticket, I looked behind me into the huge airport. "Goodbye," I muttered.

"Excuse me?" she asked me with a smile.

"Oh nothing, just saying goodbye," I answered.

She nodded. "Ah, I understand." I smiled.

I walked down the path to the plane and a flight attendant showed me to my seat. I sat down in the plush chair right next to the window. I saw the light bleeding lightly through a gray sky. I put in my earbuds and turned on my iPod. Music had always been able to soothe me. I press the play button.

The first few chords played and I immediately recognized the song. Pain flashed through my veins and I froze, unable to change it.

 

_When life leaves you high and dry_

_I'll be at your door tonight_

_If you need help, if you need help._

_I'll shut down the city lights,_

_I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe_

_To make you well, to make you well._

 

_When enemies are at your door_

_I'll carry you away from war_

_If you need help, if you need help._

_Your hope dangling by a string_

_I'll share in your suffering_

_To make you well, to make you well._

 

_Give me reasons to believe_

_That you would do the same for me._

 

 

_And I would do it for you, for you._

_Baby, I'm not moving on_

_I'll love you long after you're gone._

_For you, for you._

_You will never sleep alone._

_I'll love you long after you're gone_

_And long after you're gone, gone, gone._

 

I bit my lip hard and shut my eyes as a single tear dripped down my face. I wiped it away quickly.

 

 

_You're my back bone._

_You're my cornerstone._

_You're my crutch when my legs stop moving._

_You're my head start._

_You're my rugged heart_

_**You're the pulse that I've always needed.** _

 

I pressed the pause button. I couldn't listen to it anymore or I would have started sobbing.

"Miss, we are taking off. Please turn off all electronic devices."

I switched off my laptop, iPod, and phone and put them back into my bag. I looked out the window. The sky was still gray and looked like it wanted pour down on everything, like how I felt.

"Please fasten your seatbelts for take off." I did as the overspeaker told me.

I watched out the window as Detroit became smaller and smaller. As we rose up into the dark sky, I whispered, "Goodbye, for now, Charlie."


	2. The Journal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will everyone react to Meryl leaving? And her exciting news?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some French in here so if you'd like to look it up I recommend using google translate.

I walked into a small store called tesori d'amore inside the airport. There were cute little statues with Italian sayings engraved into them. Little replicas of important historic figures in Italy were around the store. There were books in Italian and English.

A small wicker basket had leather bound books. I picked one up. I opened the cover to see the front page. It was not a book, but in fact a journal. The first page had loopy hand writing on it. It read: il vero amore non morirà mai. I smiled. I recognized the saying. I flipped through the rest of the journal.

I walked up to the register. "Excuse me, how much for this journal," I said as I handed the old woman the journal.

She smiled fondly. "Ah. You understand meaning, yes?"

I nodded. "Yes, I've actually studied Italian for a while."

"Il vero amore non morirà mai," she spoke softly. The words rolled across her tongue. I smiled in response. "Many buy these, and do not understand the saying. But I have a have a feeling you do, and know it is true, or at least hope it is." The lady looked up to me and scanned my face.

"10 euros for you, I know you will use it." I hand her the money.

"Thank you," I told her. She nodded in response. I walked out of the store and sat down on a bench near the exit as I waited for my boss who was going to pick me up from the airport.

I pulled a pen and my phone out of my bag. I turned my phone'a ringer up, and slid it into my pocket. I clicked the top of the pen and opened the journal to the second page.

_**July 23, 2016** _

_Today I left Michigan. This could have been one of the best things I've done, or the worst. I guess we'll see which._

That was the first of many things I'd write in that journal.

 

 

* * *

 

"She what?!" I yelled as I looked between the four.

She left for Italy," Cheryl said.

I quickly walked out of the room and stormed into the living room. I grabbed my keys off the coffee table. "I'm going to Italy."

"Charlie, you can't chase after her this time," my father said as they followed me into the living room.

"Why not?" I asked loudly as I turned around to face them.

"She got a job there, from her professor, for anthropology. It's an amazing opportunity, Charlie."

"But... She left me..." I sat down on the couch. So many feelings courses through my body, sadness, betrayal, anger. "Was she going to leave, even if the wedding did happen?"

Cheryl nodded. "She didn't want tell you. She thought you'd try to stop her."

I buried my face in my hands. "God, that girl is gonna kill me." I stood up. "I'm going for a walk. I need to think."

As I walked down the street shaded by trees, I whispered, "Why, Mer? I can't believe you'd do this to me."

I wanted to hit something, and I also wanted to cry at the same time. 

* * *

_**October 24, 2016** _

_Today was the first time in 19 years that I haven't been there for Charlie's birthday. I felt sick the entire day, and a few people seemed to notice. I had told my boss the day he picked me up the entire story, which I knew was a little soon, as we had just met, but he needed to know. He was worried about me today so he let me off of work early. That made it worse because I didn't have anything to preoccupy myself. Today broke my record of 2 weeks without crying._

I looked up out of the window. It was gently snowing and there was a white blanket of snow on the ground. 

I sighed and closed the journal. I layed back onto my bed and listened to a song on the radio.

 

 

_Come up to meet you_

_Tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are_

_I had to find you_

_Tell you I need you_

_Tell you I set you apart_

 

 

_Tell me your secrets_

_And ask me your questions_

_Oh let's go back to the start_

_Running in circles; coming up tails_

_Heads on a silence apart_

 

_Nobody said it was easy_

_It's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be this hard_

_Oh take me back to the start_

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures_

_Pulling your puzzles apart_

_Questions of science; science and progress_

_Do not speak as loud as my_ heart 

 

_Tell me you love me_

_Come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start_

_Running in circles, chasing our tails_

_Coming back as we are_

 

_Nobody said it was easy_

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be so hard_

_I'm going back to the start_

 

 

What I didn't know was that back in Michigan, he was having a similar day. 

* * *

 

"Charlie, I'm assuming you did this before you came over here. You can't wait all day for her to call," my mother said quietly as she walked into the living room.b  I put my head in my hands and remained silent. "Come outside and talk with everyone." 

"I will in a little bit. I need some time alone," I answered.

"Ok." She turned around and went back outside. I could hear faint music playing from outside. 

Come up to meet you 

Tell you I'm sorry 

You don't know how lovely you are 

I had to find you 

Tell you I need you 

Tell you I set you apart

 

Tell me your secrets 

And ask me your questions 

Oh let's go back to the start 

Running in circles; coming up tails 

Heads on a silence apart 

 

Nobody said it was easy 

It's such a shame for us to part 

Nobody said it was easy 

No one ever said it would be this hard 

Oh take me back to the start 

 

I was just guessing at numbers and figures 

Pulling your puzzles apart 

Questions of science; science and progress 

Do not speak as loud as my heart 

 

Tell me you love me 

Come back and haunt me 

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are 

 

Nobody said it was easy

Oh it's such a shame for us to part 

Nobody said it was easy 

No one ever said it would be so hard 

I'm going back to the start

 

 

"Sure isn't easy," I mumbled. 

* * *

 

**_December 25, 2016_ **

_It sure doesn't feel like Christmas. I couldn't bring myself to go home, even though I desperately wanted to. It was too soon for me to face everyone. I'd have to explain to Charlie why I left, and I wouldn't be able to tell him the full story. I'm assuming that by now, he knows that I got a job, and that's why I left. And to be honest I still haven't truly admitted to myself why I left. It pains me to not be able to see my family, on Christmas, but if I go back, I know I will want to stay. My boss, Ryder wasn't going home to see his family either (they live in Moscow), so he invited me over for dinner. He has become a great friend and confidant. If I return home I will truly miss him._

I looked up from my journal. My Christmas tree was lit up, and even though I loved having it, it reminded me of home. Charlie had always helped me pick out a tree and decorated it with me. He had always lifted me up to put the star on the top, like my father had done when I was little. We had pictures of us from every year we did that. I had an album full of all the pictures of us in front of our decorated Christmas tree. The tradition started when Clayton got olden enough that he didn't seem to care about decorating the tree, when I was about 16. I managed to convince Charlie to help me and my parents happily agreed. 

The memory caused a single year to run down my cheek. Things like this caused me to ask if this experience, this job, was worth it. But maybe, all of it was an escape, from so much. 

* * *

 

We were having our annual Christmas dinner with the Davises. It felt so empty with out Meryl. She made the dinner cheery, talking about everything she could think of. 

Meryl always played Santa and handed everyone their presents. I automatically realized that as we all sat down near my parents' giant tree. Something made me feel like I was supposed to take her place, so I walked over to the tree and picked up a few boxes. 

I handed them all out and sat down on the ground to open my presents. Something caught my eye under the tree, and I reached to pick it up, thinking it was an ornament. When I touched it, I realized it was another present. I grabbed it and read the name, _**Charlie**._  


I flipped it over, as I looked for a name to see who it was from. A part of me said, _it's from her_. But I pushed the thought out of my head. I set the present down next to my others. I wanted to leave that one for last. 

I opened the first present from Clayton, a signed hockey jersey. _That's what Meryl got me._

I pulled the tissue paper out of a bag from Cheryl and Paul. It was a mug, that read: "#world's best kind of son that we love just the same as a son." 

I laughed. "Where did you find this?"

"A store in downtown that let you customize your own mug," Paul answered. 

"Thanks guys," I said with a smile. 

My parents got me a set with all of the LOTR movies, as I always had to borrow Meryl's. 

I picked up the last one. It was wrapped in shiny, silver wrapping paper. My name was written across the front in black marker. 

"Charlie," Cheryl called out quietly.

I looked up to see everyone staring at me. "It's from Meryl." 

"What?" I asked as I fought the urge to either rip the present open or throw it across the room. 

"I don't know what it is. She said that you could show us if you felt like it. So we'll give you privacy to open it." Cheryl, Paul, Clayton, and my parents stood up and exited the room. 

I walked over to a chair near the fireplace and sat down. I slowly started to unwrap the silver package. I managed to remove all of the paper and I realized it was a book. It was hard covered and looked fairly worn. I turned it over and the front read, _One Thousand and One Night Arabian Nights._ A feeling of nostalgia washed over me. I opened the front cover to see a hand written note in Meryl's writing. 

_Happy birthday and merry Christmas, Charlie! This book brings back many great memories. Would you say it, please? Just once more? I'm really sorry. I love you._

I flipped through the book to see pictures of us performing Scheherazade inserted between the pages, our lifts, step sequence, hugs, and us waiting for scores. 

"I love you too, Mer." _Maybe she'll hear it, I had thought._  

* * *

 

**5 years later**

My finger hovered over the mouse. I closed my eyes. If I clicked that ok button, my life would change. I'd have to face the past, and it could be a great thing or an awful one. I had to do it eventually, and I wanted to go home for the first time in five years. I pressed down on the button and opened my eyes. A message on the screen read: _Your flight to Detroit, Michigan, has been confirmed._

I reached for my cell phone on the coffee table in front of the couch I was sitting on. I unlocked it quickly and found my mother's number in my contacts. I pressed the call button near her contact. I listened to the phone ring 6 times before she picked up. 

"Hi, mom," I said into the phone. 

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?" 

"Good. What about you?"

"Good," my mom replied. 

"Would you like to speak to your dad?" 

"Sure and then I have some exciting news to tell you guys," I said with a voice that concealed my nerves and excitement.

"Ok, hon." I heard my mom call out to my dad. 

"Hey, Meryl," my dad said, after I heard some shuffling around.

"Hi dad." 

"Mom said you had some news to tell us. The phone is on speakerphone so we can both hear you," my dad said and I heard a click that I assumed to be the speakerphone button. 

"Ok. So, uh, I have been contemplating this for a while, and I talked it over with Ryder, my boss, and..." I paused to take a breath. "I'm coming home, to Michigan, on Friday." 

My mom gasped. "Really?" she exclaimed. 

"Yes, I'm serious."

"I finally get to see you," my dad said with a laugh. 

"Yup," I replied and a giant smil crossed my face. 

"I'm gonna call Clayton, and Jacqui, and everyone else! So I have to go, call you guy later?" 

"Of course sweetie." She paused. "Have you told him yet?" 

"No, but I'm going to, I promise." 

"Ok. We love you," my mother said gently. "I love you, too." 

I hung up and glanced around my apartment. Ryder and I had brought up some boxes for me to pack my stiff into earlier in the day. I remembered when I first came here, everything I had fit into a few, big suitcases. I had loved Italy and the rest of the places I traveled to for this job, and had collected blankets, furniture, books and other amazing trinkets. 

I called Jacqui and big Charlie next. 

"Hey, Meryl," Jacqui had said with happiness in her voice when she picked up. 

"Hi, Jacqui! I have some news to tell you a and big Charlie."

"Go ahead, we're listening," she responded. 

"I'm coming home." 

"Really? Oh Meryl, we can't wait! When?" she asked excitedly. 

"Yup, I'm flying out on Friday."

"We can't wait to see you," big Charlie said. 

"Have you told him?" Jacqui asked.

"No, but I will, after I call Clayton." 

"Ok, hon, see you soon," she responded. 

I hung up and scrolled through my contacts to find Clayton. I pressed the call button and he picked up almost instantly. 

"Mer-bear!" 

I smiled at the childhood nickname, which my dad and Clayton still called me. Charlie was the only person who called me Mer, and he got very protective if someone else tried to call me that. 

"Hi Clayton," I responded. "Guess what?" 

"Hm? Did you hook up with your boss?" 

"Ew, no." I laughed. 

"Then what?" "I'm coming home!" I exclaimed. 

"Oh, great. Now I have to take my video gaming room apart." 

"Ha-ha very funny." 

"Really though?" he asked.

"Yup," I responded. 

"Well, I'm assuming you called mom and Jacqui already, so I know I don't have to say this, but you're planning to tell Charlie right?" 

"Yeah. I'm calling him after I hang up with you," I said. 

"Ok, well then I'll let you do that. Love you! Bye," he said and hung up before I could do anything. 

"Wow, thanks bro," I said to myself quietly. 

I clicked on the favorites button, and saw Charlie's contact. When I got a new phone, I had them transfer the contacts and photos over, so even after 5 years of never being called, his number was still there. 

My finger hovered over the screen for a while before I swallowed and pressed the call button. The phone rang 9 times before he picked up. 

"Meryl?" 

Hearing his voice for the first time, in five years it made me pause. His voice calmed me, as it always did, when we lost, when we fell, when everything seemed to be falling apart, he could make me feel better.

"Charlie," I whispered.

"Is everything okay?" he asked with a worried tone in his voice. 

"Yes, everything's fine. I just wanted you to know, I-I'm coming home, to Michigan." I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. 

"Why should I care? You left me." 

The words stung. I cringed and I felt a hot tear run down my face.

"I don't know. I thought you'd want to know," I choked out. "I'll leave you alone then. Bye."

I hung up and I fell into the couch. Tears stained the pillows. _Why_ , I asked myself. I knew it wouldn't be like it used to, but I had hoped. I stayed like that all night, and for the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep. I felt unwanted by someone I thought would never make me feel that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I used is 'The Scientist' by Coldplay


	3. Feel Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Meryl decides to come home to Michigan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really important to me. It was kind of the beginning of when I thought out this story.

As I sat in the chair outside of the gate where my plane was going to take off, I was reminded of 5 years ago. When I came to Italy, I had no idea how much I'd love it or how much I'd regret leaving after what he said.

_"Meryl... I'm in love with you."_

I'd had dreams about it for months after. My mind always cut out everything, except for those words.

I had to take my mind off of this. I took my journal out of my bag, the same on I used when I left. I read the first entry and my eyes started to get misty. I turned to an empty page.

 

_**August 3, 2021** _

_I'm going home today. I'm excited! I get to see my family and friends finally!_

 

"Calling passengers on Flight 297."

I stood up and walked toward the gate. I turned around one last time and looked out the huge window. I had accomplished one of my biggest dreams. I smiled and walked down the passage to the plane, after handing my ticket to the lady in front of the gate.

Soon after the plane took off, I fell asleep to the sound of Beethoven. When I woke up, the sun was hidden behind a cloud. Light was peeking out from behind it.

I took my phone out of my bag and clicked the home screen button. The time read: **11:34**. I changed my time to Michigan time before I left Italy.

I had slept for about 7 hours, and the flight was about 10 hours long, so I tried to fall back asleep.

After a short while, our plane landed.

When I got off the plane, I looked for my family. Charlie came up to me.

"Charlie? Where's everyone else?"

"No one else came, why would they?" he said bitterly. "I only came to tell you to go back. No one wants you here."

He turned and started to walk away.

"No, Charlie," I yelled after him. "No," I whispered as I fell to the ground. "No."

* * *

 

Ring, ring I walked over to my kitchen, where my phone was. I looked to see who it was, my mother.

"Hey, mom," I said as I sat down on a chair near the kitchen.

"Hey sweetie! So we're all planning to leave here by 2, so get here by like 1:30, okay?"

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"The airport," she said with an 'it's obvious' tone to her voice.

"Why?" I asked before I realized.

"Mom, no, I can't."

"Charlie, you are coming."

"Why should I?"

"Be at the Davis' house by 1:30 or I will kill you." I heard a beep. I pulled the phone away from my ear. She had ended the call.

I sighed. _She's right, you know, you have to go_ , I told myself. _But why should I?_ , I contradicted myself. _You have to._

I walked over to the staircase and slowly started walking up. When Tanith and I had first bought the house, she had insisted on framing a bunch of our pictures and hanging them on the wall near the staircase. After everything that happened at our wedding, we had remained close friends, surprisingly. She had been the one I would vent to once Meryl left. She had replaced the pictures of her, her family, and her and I with more pictures of me and my family, or me skating.

The bottom of the staircase had pictures from longer ago, and as you went up the staircase, they became more recent. I looked at a picture of Meryl and I at our very first practice, 24 years ago. Then my eyes shifted to a picture of us at our first competition with our parents. I next looked at a few pictures of us as teenagers, at the rink and just hanging out. Our mothers had made Meryl and I wear our cap and gowns when we graduated, and they took pictures of us together. There's a picture of us performing our Sarabande program. There are a few pictures of Meryl and I with our families in places we traveled for skating. A pic of us in our Eleanor Rigby costumes, is surrounded by a few family pictures.

I stepped up, to see more pictures.

There is a picture of us in our senior debut. Next to it, hung a picture of us in a tight embrace at Cup of Russia 2008. A few steps up, a picture of Meryl and I doing the phantom at the Vancouver games is hung on the wall, next to a picture of Meryl and I on the podium. Next to that, there are a few pictures of us, going on vacation together or practicing. A picture from Die Fledermaus is a little bit farther up the wall followed by more personal pictures and some from our performances. At the top of the staircase, were a few pictures of us in Sochi. Our hug at the end of Scheherazade, us on the podium, our hug at the end of our Rachmaninoff, one of Meryl's favorites, and a picture of us walking in the village, were next to each other. There was a picture of Meryl and I after she won DWTS. The last picture on the wall was the one of Scott, Alex, Evan, Meryl, and I in our suits, and Meryl in her black dress, for the wedding. After that there was an empty space, for new memories, Tanith had said.

* * *

 

I felt something tap my shoulder. I opened my eyes, to see I was still on the plane. I sighed, in relief, it was a dream.

"Sweetie, you were talking in your sleep. You sounded distressed, and I felt bad, so I woke you," an older woman sitting next to me explained as she searched my face.

"What was I saying?" I asked quietly.

"No. You said it over and over again. And sometimes a name, Charlie."

"Oh," I replied. "Just a bad dream." I put a small smile on my face before turned away.

 _I said his name in my sleep._ I had only said stuff in my sleep about him, at least that's what everyone had told me.

_"Meryl, you are tired, and stressed. Take a nap. We can practice later."_

_"But Maks," I argued._

_He looked down at me. I was sitting up against the wall, while he was choreographing our dance. It was the third week of competition, and we were supposed to have a dance inspired by the most important year of our life, or in my case, 17 years. I had chosen the song All of Me, and I was dedicating it to Charlie, although the producers wouldn't let me say that. Maks knew about my dedication, and he knew I was nervous about it._

_"Okay, fine," I agreed._ _Within a few minutes, I had fallen asleep with my head tilted back against the wall, my knees tucked to my chest._

_The next thing I knew, Maks was calling my name gently and shaking my shoulders. I blinked a few times._

_"Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned with Maks' worried face._

_"Yes, uh, you were talking, while you were asleep," he told me, as he sat down next to me._

_"I was? What did I say?"_

_"His name, over and over again," he answered cautiously._

_"Charlie's... I don't remember doing that."_

_"It started as a mumble, and you got louder. They sounded more and more desperate every time. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I woke you."_

_"Oh," I said in response._

 

"Please buckle your seat belts for landing and turn off all technology," a voice boomed over the speakers. I followed the instructions and looked out the window.

We slowly started to descend from the clouds. I could see buildings in the distance and I smiled _, I was home._

It felt almost as though I was leaning to the left slightly, and before I knew what was happening, there was a loud boom as the plane jerked to the side. I looked around frantically. Some children were crying, and everyone looked terrified or confused.

"Please remain calm as we land, I repeat remain calm."

As soon as the plane reached the ground and came to a complete stop, the flight attendants were rushing though the aisles providing comfort to everyone. Once the engines turned off, the pilot and co-pilot came out to us. "May I have everyone's attention?" The loud room fell silent to listen to the pilot. "We have confirmed that part of the left wing broke off. We will do our best to find out why. Until then you may exit the plane and leave the airport." People started to stand up, grabbing their luggage. I did the same, and followed a group of people off of the plane, helped by the friendly staff.

I reached the waiting area and immediately saw my family. I smiled as my eyes started to get misty.

I walked quickly over to them and dropped my luggage. My mother and father pulled me into a hug.

"Are you okay? We saw the end of the wing chip off! What happened?" my mother asked.

"I honestly don't know. There was a loud bang and then the plane jerked to the left," I answered as I separated myself from the hug.

"My poor baby," she said as she grabbed me up into another hug.

When she released me, I looked to my father's side to see Clayton. "Meryl, I missed you."

I embraced him tightly and said, "Me too, Clayton. I missed you so much."

When we broke away from our hug, Jacqui and big Charlie almost pulled me into them. "Meryl, I missed you. Life isn't the same without you," Jacqui told me as she hugged me tightly. I closed my eyes to prevent myself from crying and when I opened them, I saw Charlie. He was staring at the ground, wringing his hands. I looked away as Jacqui and big Charlie released me from their hug.

"Meryl, we're going to go get your luggage," my father said as he, my mother, Clayton and the Whites started walking to baggage claim.

I looked over to Charlie and walked closer to him, so there was enough distance between us to be respectful.

"Meryl," Charlie said in a serious, monotone voice, as he gave a single nod.

"Charlie," I answered in a voice similar to his, as I felt my heart shatter.

I looked up to meet his eyes to see him starting him back at me. His face had grief written on it. His face melted as I looked into his ocean colored eyes, and he stared back into my greenish hazel ones.

"Meryl," he whispered in a barely audible tone. It sounded full of desire and worry.

"Charlie," I breathed back. My voice sounded desperate.

We took a step towards each other slowly, before we rushed into each other. Our bodies crashed into each other painfully, but neither of us cared. Our eyes shut tightly. We tried to pull each other closer, as we hugged each other tightly. My hand ran through his hair and then continued to be splayed across his back. His fingers brushed through my long hair, creating tangles. His hand pushed the top of my head into him, our cheeks pressed up against each other as he whispered in awful English, "The last thing I said... was horrible... and you almost died... and I'm so sorry, Meryl. I'm never ever gonna do that again. I love you." My body went numb, hearing that for the first time in 5 years.

I could feel him shaking. I put my hand on his cheek as I whispered, "Shh. It's okay, Charlie. I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have left like that," I felt a wet tear hit my hand, and I was gone. Our tears mixed together and stained our clothing. "I... love you... too," I stammered.

We had forgotten everyone, everything. We didn't know where we were. All that mattered was us. I wrapped my arm tighter around him and he repeated my movement.

"Charlie," I muttered.

"I'm here, Mer," he answered. "I'll always be here." He pulled me tighter into him.

"Me too," I choked back before I broke into sobs. My whole body began to shake. Hot, fast tears fell down our cheeks onto our clothes and my hand, which was gripping his cheek, like otherwise he'd disappear.

Our grips started to loosen and he kissed my jawline gently before separating from me. Our eyes simeltaneously opened. I stared back into his blue eyes, gripping onto his forearms tightly. A smile spread over my face as I saw his bright red face, and puffy eyes framed by fully grown, rustled curls. I imagined I looked similar as a matching smile appeared on his face. Tears streamed down our faces slowly. I pulled him back into me as I wrapped my arms around him with the biggest smile on my face.

When we broke apart, I looked around us for the first time. Our mothers were wiping away tears as our fathers smiled widely. Clayton had an amused look on his face.

"I missed it here," I said as I wiped away a stray tear.

"We missed you," my father responded. "We should get home and you can eat some real, non-plane food." I giggled softly as I started over to get my luggage from them. My father and Clayton followed and my father said, "Allow us."

"Okay," I answered. "Let's head home."

Charlie slid his hand into mine and gripped it tightly as we walked to the cars.

"My shirt is soaking wet," I whispered to him.

He smiled. "Mine too."

I slid into Charlie's familiar car and sighed happily. As we drove back to my parents' house, I told him, "I missed you, a lot."

"Me too, I was upset though."

"I understand," I replied as we pulled up to the house. Everyone had already arrived and I assumed they were inside.

I started to get out of the car, but Charlie grabbed my wrist gently. "Mer, promise me. Promise me that we'll talk, please."

I nodded slowly. "We need to Charlie. We put it off for a long time before I left, and then everything happened and..." I felt my eyes start to water again

"Mer, don't cry. I'll start to cry again," he said as he stroked my hand with his thumb.

"I can't help it," I said as a tear fell down my cheek. "Although, I've never seen you cry."

"Most things don't matter to me like you do," he said simply.

"Oh, Charlie," I whimpered as I fell into his arms.

"It's okay, c'mon. We're tired and need to eat," he said as he got out of the car. He came around to the passenger's side and opened the door for me. He intertwined our fingers as we walked to the door.

When we reached the door, Charlie knocked. With our luck, Clayton answered the door. "Awe, look at the happy couple." I swatted at him playfully. "Don't let them see you guys holding hands or they might have a heart attack." I looked up at Charlie, as we both laughed. "Damn, you still do that. Even after 5 years of not seeing each other."

"Clayton, can we come inside?" I asked him.

"Nope," he answered as he walked away from the door.

We walked in and I closed and locked the door behind us. Charlie started to walk forward but I pulled him backwards. "Wait. I haven't seen it all in so long." He smiled as he waited patiently next to me. There were so many memories here, in this house, in this city, _in my home._

I sat down at the picnic table in our backyard with Charlie on my left and Clayton on my right. I took a big bite of my burger. Charlie turned to me and said, "So, tell us about your adventures in Italy."

When it started to get dark and we were finished with dinner, my mother stood up. "I'm going to go clean up."

"I'll help," Jacqui said. Everyone started to follow them inside, leaving Charlie and I. I started to stand up and Charlie followed. We stared at the stars as we listened to faint music playing from the radio.

 

_It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face_

_I've been everywhere and back trying to replace everything that I've had till my feet went numb_

 

Charlie grabbed my hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to dance," he replied as he stepped closer to me.

 

_Praying like a fool that's been on the run_

_Heart still beating but it's not working_

_It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't ring_

_I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing_

_Yeah, my heart is numb_

 

He put his hands on my hips and I swung my arms around his neck. We swayed back and forth.

 

_But with you I feel again_

_Yeah with you I can feel again_

 

_I'm feeling better since you know me_

_I was a lonely soul but that's the old me_

 

Charlie spun me around and we both smiled widely.

 

_It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face_

_And I've never went back trying to replace everything that I broke till my feet went numb_

_Praying like a fool that just shot a gun_

_Heart still beating but it's not working_

_It's like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing_

_I reach out trying to love but I feel nothing_

_Oh my heart is numb_

 

He dipped me over his arm. We returned to our closer hold and slowly moved across the grassy yard.

 

_But with you_

_I feel again_

_And with you I can feel again_

 

 

I rested my head on his shoulder as we swayed to the music.

_But with you_

_I feel again_

_Yeah with you_

_I can feel again_

 

I closed my eyes.

 

_I'm feeling better since you know me_

_I was a lonely soul but that's the old me_

_A little wiser now but you show me_

_Yeah, I feel again_

_Feel again..._

I sung the last few words quietly and I could hear Charlie do the same. I had missed this so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I used was Feel Again by OneRepublic


End file.
